A drug sniffing dog caught a whiff of this guy, so the cops decided to escort him to the men’s room for a “more detailed” search. That’s when the 22 grams of coke “shot out” of this guys anus.

I always though the police needed a search warrant if they wanted to check your trunk for junk.

Can you imagine the anal elasticity and strength needed to shoot anything? This guy is going to be very popular in prison.

Alright, the truth is that nothing really “shot” out of this guy. It fell out. This is sensationalist journalism that is dangerous and irresponsible. I can only imagine how many people are going to head off to parties this weekend where they will try to shoot drugs out of their butts. Shame on you, News, for putting this stuff in people’s heads.

Leave a comment

Mom & Dad Review: The Hangover

I love this clip. First off, my dad only pipes up to clarify one detail. And, even better, my mom eventually starts to give the impression that she thought the movie was about a tiger– And that the whole marriage angle was merely a sub-plot.

I hope I can get them to review more films (without their knowledge).


Mom and Dad Review The Hangover (mp3)

Leave a comment


To my congregation:

Among what are technically known as “internet freaks,” it is an immoral and devious sin to steal a picture from a website, only to post it on your own page without giving the original site credit. Well, I only steal from second and third-hand sources, so I can’t tell you the original site. And I’m certainly not giving credit to those thieving hacks.

The authenticity of internet photos is speculative, but, regardless, their content can be excessively provocative.

This is one of those photos:

Whether this is a real photograph of an ironic event in human history that captures members of the medical profession calculating potential gain while, simultaneously, showing a man dealing with a racial dilemma OR a fake, Photo-shopped print showing the same thing, it still gets the viewer’s brain pulsing.

Such photos need to be shared with the right people. I believe you are those people.

–Ryan Stout

Leave a comment

Cute Dog

I was walking down the street and I saw this middle-aged Asian man standing in the doorway of his home. He was just standing there, the door wide open, and he was watching his puppy play in the little strip of grass that ran along the sidewalk where I would soon be walking.

As I got closer to the dog, it saw me and, then, held completely still. I kept walking. I walked right passed the puppy. And then, as I was about ten feet away, I turned around to see it still staring at me, frozen in position. As I caught eyes with the beast, that’s when it bolted right for me.

The man screamed, “No… No! No!”

I stood still and the animal viciously, violently, tried to devour my shoelaces. The man ran-walked towards the dog and me. He bent down and picked up the dog and said, “Sorry. Sorry.”

“Cute dog,” I said.

“Yes. Yes. Thank you.”

“What’s his name?”

“Yes. Yes. Thank you.”

“Well, too bad you’re going to eat him later.”

“Yes. Yes…” he said.

Leave a comment


Dear Girlfriend,

Look, you don’t need to prove to me that our white sheets seem to be turning brown on my side of the bed. I get it. I can see it. Stop showing me.

I am not proud that my side of the bed looks a disgusting beige while your side remains pristine and white.
I do not know what I can do to stop this from happening.
I do not know why it’s happening– I shower every single day, sometimes twice!

Am I drinking too much coffee? Could that be it?

Because I can find no cause, I cannot stop the effect. So, stop pointing it out!

We can either keep talking about this, or we can work hard to solve this mystery, or I can just keep buying us new sheets.

Whatever you want; doesn’t matter to me. But, in the mean time, I’m going to start sleeping on your side to even things out.


Leave a comment