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El Paso, TX – One Night Only

First off:  Did you pick up a copy of my NEW ablum?

If not, you are way behind…  

You can find “How to Be an Audience” on iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, and pretty much anywhere audio files are sold.


On January 11, 2018, I will be doing a ONE NIGHT ONLY event in El Paso, TX.  If you live there– and I know a lot of you do– you can grab tickets on EventBrite. You can click those colored letters right now. Or, if you don’t trust me to link you properly, you can copy and paste the full link:


Dear Friends, Family, and Comedy Lovers,

My newest stand-up comedy album is officially available for purchase.

“How to Be an Audience” can be downloaded from iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, and a bunch of smaller retailers.

I hope you’ll snag a copy.

Or make a friend buy it so you can enjoy their copy.

Either way, below are five fun facts about my comedy album sales and production. Maybe these will help influence your decision to purchase this new record on opening day.



My first album, “Touché,” debuted at #7 on the iTunes Comedy charts. And do you know how many copies I had to sell to earn that position?  174.  

I don’t remember who was #7 on the iTunes Hip-Hop/Rap charts on that same day. But, back then, in order to reach #7 in that genre I’m told it would require over 100,000 sales.

Hip-Hop is far more competitive than comedy.

That said, each individual sale on the comedy charts carries a whole lot of weight. So, if you have $9.99 to spare, you could be personally responsible for bumping me up to the top of the list.  Your sale matters.  It helps.



The record label that released my first album estimated opening day sales would be around 150 copies. We beat their projection by almost 50%.

My cut of those first day sales:  $608.39

But, I never saw any of that money.  It all went toward recouping the initial costs of album production.



My newest album is self-produced and self-released. 

I didn’t have a team of producers to spearhead editing, mastering, distribution, or promotion; I had to figure out all of that on my own. I had to do some research, make some phone calls, and hire some very specific professionals to do some very specific work. I oversaw every decision.

I had to ask myself stupid questions, like, “How do I get my album onto TIDAL, and Deezer, and Microsoft Groove?”  And then I had to find an answer and make it happen.  

Oh, and I had to pay for it all.

Grand total for recording, mastering, album assembly, editing, design, distribution, etc. was about $5,300

That is money I now need to recoup.



Considering the money I would need to recoup…

If I sell fewer than 999 copies, an American working a minimum wage job for 40 hours each week will earn more money this month than I will from album sales.

If sales hit 3,883? Then, that would recoup expenses and earn me minimum wage for an entire year.

Is 3,883 even possible?  Keep reading…



In 2011, roughly 8 million tracks were available for sale on iTunes. 

(That’s everything from Jay Z to Taylor Swift to U2; everything from Christian rock to elevator jazz to country-trance fusion.)

Of the 8 million tracks available for sale, about 7.5 million tracks sold less than 100 copies.

Of the 8 million tracks available for sale, 2.5 million tracks only sold one copy. Ever.

As of 2017, those numbers have grown more disparate. The upper 1% dominates all the sales. And no one on the comedy charts are in the upper 1%.

But, if I can sell over 100 albums, I will be doing better than 94% of everything else on iTunes.


As you can tell, this is not a money-making venture. I have a small group of loyal fans and I like to have a real products, of high quality, that my fans can be proud to share with their friends. But, sales do help. Each sale is representative of how the market values my work. And that is what allows me to stay in business.

I can be an artist forever— even a broke artist— but market forces and sales figures determine my place in show business. They determine things like Netflix specials and tour destinations and film opportunities.

I hope you want more of me. And I hope you want it enough to invest $9.99 in my business.

I appreciate your help.


Many thanks,

Ryan  <—–  FOLLOW  <—–  “LIKE”  <—–  SUBSCRIBE


SiriusXM debut of my NEW album

Hey, Gang.

Did you know I have a new album ready for your ears to behold?

How to Be an Audience will premiere today on SiriusXM’s Raw Dog Comedy channel at 3pm EST.

SiriusXM will have the album exclusively for a short period of time and then it will be available for purchase at all of your normal comedy retailers (iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, Pandora, Spotify, etc).

My previous album, Touché is, of course still available for your purchasing fancy.

How to Be an Audience

I am writing this post today, October 12, 2017, for two reasons: (1) To tell you I am releasing a new stand-up comedy album called How to Be an Audience and (2) to say a few words about the title.

I am releasing a new stand-up comedy album called How to Be an Audience.

As with every joke, every album, and every comedy creation ever, there will be people who don’t like it. And the people who don’t like it will rationalize all of the reasons why their personal taste is justified. And the dumbest amongst them will waste their time by reaching out to me via the internet to share their opinions with me.

Comedians have come to expect that level of stupidity. But, in this case, I’m going to make a prediction. The absolute dumbest of the dumb, the real idiots who think they are clever, will not only reach out to me, but they will make an attempt to be clever by twisting around the title of my album.

They will say things like, “You should listen to an album called How to Be a Comedian.”

Or, “You need a record called How to Be Funny.”

Or, “Your album should’ve been called How to Be a Comedian.” (Which doesn’t even make sense: If that were the title, it would imply that I am so good at my job that I can give instructions on how to do it. And if I’m that good, then why would someone write an email saying I should give classes while trying to explain that I’m bad? See how confusing that is…)

The album hasn’t been released and I already know what the stupidest people are going to say to me. Because they are stupid. They are so stupid they are predictable.

And I wanted to create a little space on the internet to catalog my prediction. A place I can link to immediately when I receive stupid comments so I can say, “See, I told you so.”

The real puzzle is this:

If people weren’t stupid and predictable, maybe they would have enjoyed my album.


Punchline on FOX

I had such a great time this week as a contestant on FOX‘s new comedian-driven game show PUNCHLINE.

The show works like this: Two teams of comedians face-off to come up with punchlines based on that day’s headlines. We tape in front of a live studio audience who votes for which team was funniest after each round. And the program airs live in certain areas, as well, so people at home can get online and vote for their favorite jokes.

This is just a test-run for the summertime. And, right now, we only air in the following markets:

New York – 11:30pm
Los Angeles – Midnight
Chicago – 11pm
Philadelphia – 12:30pm in the afternoon (???)
San Francisco – 12:30am
Phoenix – 11:30pm
Denver – 10pm
Minneapolis – 10pm (LIVE !!!)
Atlanta – 11pm (LIVE !!!)

HOWEVER, if the show does well, it could get picked up for as many as 240 episodes. In other words, it would be on Monday-Friday for 48 weeks each year. So, if you can tune-in: Great. If you can’t, please tell someone else to give us a look.

Big thanks to all of these comedians for giving their all and making this such a fun week.

Episode 01

Episode 02

Episode 03

Episode 04

Episode 05