How to Be an Audience

I am writing this post today, October 12, 2017, for two reasons: (1) To tell you I am releasing a new stand-up comedy album called How to Be an Audience and (2) to say a few words about the title.

(1)
I am releasing a new stand-up comedy album called How to Be an Audience.

(2)
As with every joke, every album, and every comedy creation ever, there will be people who don’t like it. And the people who don’t like it will rationalize all of the reasons why their personal taste is justified. And the dumbest amongst them will waste their time by reaching out to me via the internet to share their opinions with me.

Comedians have come to expect that level of stupidity. But, in this case, I’m going to make a prediction. The absolute dumbest of the dumb, the real idiots who think they are clever, will not only reach out to me, but they will make an attempt to be clever by twisting around the title of my album.

They will say things like, “You should listen to an album called How to Be a Comedian.”

Or, “You need a record called How to Be Funny.”

Or, “Your album should’ve been called How to Be a Comedian.” (Which doesn’t even make sense: If that were the title, it would imply that I am so good at my job that I can give instructions on how to do it. And if I’m that good, then why would someone write an email saying I should give classes while trying to explain that I’m bad? See how confusing that is…)

The album hasn’t been released and I already know what the stupidest people are going to say to me. Because they are stupid. They are so stupid they are predictable.

And I wanted to create a little space on the internet to catalog my prediction. A place I can link to immediately when I receive stupid comments so I can say, “See, I told you so.”

The real puzzle is this:

If people weren’t stupid and predictable, maybe they would have enjoyed my album.

Maybe.