Dear Friends, Family, Fans, Complete Strangers, and Potential Corpses,
Let me start by saying, “Happy New Year!”
Now let’s move on to “Please help me,” and, “I’m sorry.”
See, this month Comedy Central is having a contest. The contest has a title, but, does it really matter what it’s called? It’s a contest… Basically, they are wondering who had the “best” Comedy Central Presents stand-up special from the last two years. And by “best” they mean “most popular.” And to determine “most popular” they are asking people to vote online.
Now, I don’t wield much power online; I don’t have direct access to hundreds of thousands of voters. So, I could really use all of the votes I can get from the people with whom I do have contact. And that’s YOU!
You can go straight to my Comedy Central profile by clicking the following link:
Then, you can tick the box next to my profile and click “Submit.”
You do need to log-in to Jokes.com in order to vote OR log-in to Facebook and allow the Jokes.com app.
You can also vote by texting STOUT to 44686 (standard messaging fees apply).
You can vote online AND via text, thus doubling your votes.
You can vote from your computer at work, your computer at home, vote online via your smart-phone, tell all your friends to vote, steal their phones and text STOUT to 44686, go to your local library and vote from their computers…
You’ll need to set up a bunch of fake e-mail accounts and Facebook pages, but it’ll be worth it.
If I can get 200 dedicated people to vote, oh, I don’t know, 3,000 times each, then I can win this thing!
Voting beings on January 3rd and will continue through January 28th. That’s 25 days. And you are allowed to vote every single day. So, if you can manage to vote a few hundred times, every day, that’d be good.
If I’m not your ONLY favorite comedian, that’s fine: You can vote for up to three of us. But, if you don’t have any vested interest in any of the other comedians, I ask that you only vote for me. C’mon, it’s a contest…
There are a total of 48 performers in the competition. I personally know nearly all of these people and I’m friends with most of them. Please know, I’m not competing AGAINST them– I’m competing to show Comedy Central that they should continue to have me on their network.
At the end of the contest, the person with the most votes will have their Comedy Central Presents… re-aired in a primetime slot in February and will be given a week-long takeover of Comedy Central’s Jokes.com (whatever that means)! And, several past winners have gone on to do hour-long specials for the network.
The top 20 vote-getters will have their Comedy Central Presents… aired in a top-20 countdown on Saturday, January 29th.
Top 20, People! That means I only need to earn more votes than 28 other comedians.
But, wait, there’s more! Of course there is! What is it? You can win, too:
Every person who votes online will have the chance to win a trip for two to the South Beach Comedy Festival in March. AND additional prizes will be announced soon (apparently)!
Well, that’s it!
I’m sorry to press you to do anything on my behalf. And I HATE self-promotion! Unfortunately, I need to engage in this popularity contest so that Comedy Central will continue to showcase me on their network. It’s just business. And I’m a severe underdog. Please vote. I’m sorry.