AN OPEN LETTER TO MY GIRLFRIEND

Dear Girlfriend,

Look, you don’t need to prove to me that our white sheets seem to be turning brown on my side of the bed. I get it. I can see it. Stop showing me.

I am not proud that my side of the bed looks a disgusting beige while your side remains pristine and white.
I do not know what I can do to stop this from happening.
I do not know why it’s happening– I shower every single day, sometimes twice!

Am I drinking too much coffee? Could that be it?

Because I can find no cause, I cannot stop the effect. So, stop pointing it out!

We can either keep talking about this, or we can work hard to solve this mystery, or I can just keep buying us new sheets.

Whatever you want; doesn’t matter to me. But, in the mean time, I’m going to start sleeping on your side to even things out.

Love,
Ryan